Dark Souls: How the Darkmoon Knightess is really a transsexual

(Just in case you're jerking off on her. All fair... but you need to know)

Well the main reason is cause of the leader of her covenant,

Gwyndolin, which, of course, as is very well established in the game is a transvestite.

So she's a transsexual (for now cause I say so) but Gwyndolin is a conflicted transvestite. He dresses as a woman, and behave as one; but in this world to be a woman in a male body is probably not acceptable. It's ok to dress as one but only as a device, a mean to cheat the fate. So fucking typical of myth. Knowing that Achilles destiny was to die in Troy, his mother Thetis cross dress him and hid him among Lycomedes daughters. Same deal here. Gwyndolin born under the influence of the moon (a female related symbol) destined to achieve great moon powers, but, alas, he was born a male! so his father cross-dress him... to cheat the fate!

In the Greek myth, Odysseus hid a Spear in a cloth basket or something, so when the women went to wash the cloths in the river, Achilles were able to find the spear and recover his will to fight.

The spear of course here is a phallic symbol, (dah!, that's a fancy way of saying it represents his dick). I think is very appropriate that the items and weapons related to the blades of the darkmoon are not really swords (I mean like real swords: fat, hard, masculine, twenty inches swords!) and that Darkmoon Gwyndolin fights with magic and from afar (which in the game as PVP players well know, is a kind of pussy way of fighting).

The player that finds the truth in Dark Souls knows that all the legend of the chosen undead is nothing but a fabricated lie, probably made by Gwyndolin himself to perpetuate the age of fire. But as we know this is the ultimate desire not of Gwyndolin but of his father Lord Gwyn (he even sacrifices his own life in the flame just to extend the age of fire)... 

So Gwyndolin in the game is behaving as daddy's little twat. He never ever recover his spear, his manhood, his true self. His insane father castrated him as a child (symbolically), and he's still loyal to the idea of what his father wanted him to be and the ideas of how the world should be... he never rebel to that, even when his father is long-time dead, nothing but an empty fucking Hollow now (which by the way looks like a dry mummy thing in the game). He never rebel to anything.

A very profound and sad story really, and the ultimate meaning of all this and my serious conclusion here is: Gwyndolin probably never knew the sweet delights of laying with a wench and he's the most probably also a virgin in the butt.

(Ah, don't you love Leon?)

I was looking at this image of Gwynevere, a very feminine form, with huge boobs, and thinking... Well this is not real (not talking about the boobs here. Come on dude! stop being such a perv.),

this is just a fake image, an illusion... it shows the idea of a woman in Gwyndolin's mind, in his mind that is how a woman should look like: a projection, a desire that cannot be accepted as one own and so it's place outside in the world. The lady of the Dark calls that a "revelation" and a "guide"... When something is revealed is showing it's true nature... I wonder what sort of revelation and guide she got from that image?...   

Anyway, it seems to me only natural that a follower of this insane cult, the blades of the darkmoon, could try to imitate her leader... and to honor her master wanted to dress as a female too.

Besides the game explicitly describes her body: "below just a thin layer of skin, are swarms of humanity that writhe and squirm. Her brass armor serves to disguise this ghastly form." ghastly: something that cause great horror, very shocking, horrible!, also means intensely unpleasant (like in a hot summer day when your balls are all sweaty, that's unpleasant). 

Kind of typical for a transsexual here to think of her body as something deformed, not appropriate to her true nature. (With a transvestite is not always the case, often they're happy with their male bodies but just like or get aroused by dressing and behaving as women... because they are Women, right!?)

She's named Darkmoon Knight not knightess in the credits, that is: maybe a cruel joke by Miyazaki and the rest of the gang? (good old Hayao Miyazaki, always with his pervert jokes...) maybe she was in the first draft a male character,  maybe just a minor typo? 

       

That's why the lady of the Dark gets so mad when you destroy the fake image of Gwynevere... you're fucking with all that she hopes to be, you are pissing on her dreams, man!!! How dare you??!!! If you just kill Gwyndolin she'll become aggro and all but she'll stay by the bonfire; but if you dare to directly attack Gwynevere's image she will hunt your fuck down! (she's going to your encounter, and you'll find her by the rotating bridge).

If you destroy Gwynevere's Illusion you can even rejoin the Darkmoon covenant after absolving your sins, but the Darkmoon Knightess won't forgive you no matter what, she'll stay hostile.

Symbolically, killing Gwynevere is like ripping apart her clothes and that's the worse thing you could do with this lady, exposing her revolting, disgusting, deformed, GHASTLY body to the world. Can you imagine the rage?! She must really hate your fucking guts, man.     

All this puts new meaning to the Lady's words "What you saw around the light of the dark moon shall haunt you forever" she says.

Yeah, symbolically she's talking about cock sightseeing at the light of the moon.

This is also the meaning of the act of joining the Blades of the Darkmoon by kneeling without ever going through the fog door (not casually behind an Illusory wall). 

Why is that a crime? Because, is like peeping under a dress. To peep, to spy, not peeping like in 'fucking a penguin', I'm not joking here, is a real word...

and well, about that and dresses, as my mother used to say when I turned thirty four: it isn't right to do that anymore my dear. 

"What am I? Well... I am the Keeper of the bonfire. If not for me, what beacon would there be in this lost city? A gatekeeper, and a guide; that is my calling"

And for the people saying that she can't be a trans because all the firekeepers in Dark Souls are women (and apparently transsexuals for this prejudice assholes are not real women) you all seem to forget about the Fair Lady. 

So, are you telling me that this thing with a disgusting spider hairy body it's a "REAL" woman?... Well then I tell you: I wouldn't fuck that for sure! (Maybe if it were healthy... but it's not... well you could spare some humanity and then...)

By the way, Did you knew that Spiders are symbols of the vagina dentata? Or like Carl Gustav Jung used to say: The pussy with teeth, the phallic snatch. 

And to have intercourse with that it would be like fucking the Gaping Dragon: you don't want to do that!

But then again, maybe you do...

Batman V Superman (2016): a complete failure

 DIR: Zack Snyder/ SCR: Chris Terrio; David S. Goyer / CIN: Larry Fong / ED: David Brenner/ PRD: Charles Roven; Deborah Snyder. / DIS: Warner Bros.

I can't believe the kind of shit people are saying all over the internet about this fucking movie. 

Did I like the movie? mehh. Did it suck? Yes, of course it sucks! You have to be like blinded by Fanboyism not to see that this movie is a complete failure. But why? 

Some are pointing out that the problem is the tone. The dark gritty realism inherited by its predecessor Man of Steel (and of course heavily influenced by The Dark Knight).

Batman is like borderline psychotic, "one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands"

if that's not craaaazy, I don't know what is it. You got a fucked up character right there!

And of course it's only natural to make a dark movie with a crazy person that dresses up like a bat. 

BUT SUPERMAN, well that's a whole nother story. He is the iconic moral hero, the sum of all virtues; being not human, he is the best humanity has to offer: a kindhearted hero with a strong sense of justice and righteousness... He's not a freakko putting on a costume to become something else. As Kwai Chang used to say before choking himself to death while masturbating 

"His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes."

And some people think that you can't do dark realism with that! You can't face THE superman against modern world problems like terrorism, 9/11, Isis, Jihad and all that shit. That would make like the whole experience joyless.

But I don't have problems with the tone. I liked Man of Steal (it's not a great movie, but way better than this one).

No. The problem is not the tone stupid sobs. Is the lack of coherence between scenes,

"BE coherent maddafucker!"

and the absence of meaning to each single scene, every character and the movie as a whole.

I'm gonna analyze just one example. But you can take any scene and point out it's flaws really...

Ok, so. Bruce Wayne discovers that Lex's people are transporting Kryptonite via truck from a ship to a secret lab? Or a factory? Lex's headquarters, whatever; and decides to steal it to kill Superman with it. ... so Batman chases them with the batmovil... you got the scene right there, the classical Hollywood action movie car chase sequence. It's not particularly interesting or brilliant, not gonna amaze you - or make you scream in wonder, (and the bazooka moment is blatant plagiarism from Dark Knight); but yeah, it's a competent chase sequence: fair fun. 

And then... he doesn't get the kryptonite... the bandits get away!!! So what's the fucking point to the whole scene?!

Worse, a scene or two later we watch  Lex's secret lab destroyed implying that batman was there and stole his kryptonite. But - I couldn't believe what was happening - we never actually see that! You got an action superhero movie, actively hiding you action scenes!!!...

If you need to cut something because the fucking movie is 3 hours long, cut the goddamn pointless chase sequence, and if you need to have a batcar in your movie cuz you wanna sell toys, then give the scene a fucking reason to exist: just let the bat to finally get his green goo there.

So, Batman turns right and... out of nowhere Superman is there, and he decides to accelerate his car and roll over him. If you are looking for kryptonite, you know this weird powerful being is not gonna die in a car accident, but whatever. And of course against the man of steel the car gets fucked and we get the "Do you bleed sequence?" that we know from the trailer ... And soon enough Superman flies away, to capture the criminals himself? Nope, just away. Back to nowhere. Back to the ether. Back to the clouds where he stands. Superman always irrupts into these scenes suddenly out of nowhere.

(Even Lex mock this when he throws Louis from the building... and yeah again, he suddenly appears and catches her)

Movies got a way to deal with shit like this, to help you with the suspension of disbelief. They could have shown Superman flying in the sky minding his own shit, and then seeing or hearing the commotion caused by Batman you get a shot of Sup face and it reads: "This is my city, I'm gonna stop this gay suited weirdo, he's puting people's life in danger." Then you hear the John Williams music, ta ta ta ta taa, ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta taa, ta ta taaa.

No. You get nothing of that. Batman turns right and Sup is there with his poop face: he's angry... Why? We don't know. 

To the people that think that this is the point of the whole car chase sequence, the first encounter between this two giants in full costume, I say, well... What's superman motivation to stop batman? I mean, why is he even there? Does he honestly believes batman was trying to murder innocent people? Does he think the bazooka shooting bandits Batman was chasing are not dangerous? Maybe that's why he let them escape? cause he DO let them escape! Does he know about batman real intentions of stealing the kryptonite? What's the reason of Superman being there?!!!

The car chase sequence doesn't pay up because it takes you nowhere, it takes you to a trailer, because that's the only real reason behind this scene: creating hype in a fucking trailer. 

And one last thing: Stop blaming Jesse Eisenberg for this failure of a movie. Adventureland: they played a drinking game with Kirsten Stewardess? on who could gave the lamest line in the lamest form (she won).  I hated him as the Facebook guy too. Yeah, he's bad. He is terrible (but we knew that already). In this movie he is ok... well, regular bad.  

Yeah it's a little bit excessive on his mannerism, the guy can't act, but people are blaming him on the character's lack of coherence and blurry objectives...  and those are script problems!! Script!

On the other side you see only flowers for Ben Affleck performance "Greatest onscreen Batman ever" Wtf!! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!

You know why you subnormal morons liked Batfleck? Because not like Lex Luthor, Louis Lane, Wonder Woman, Superman or any other character in this movie;  you can understand Batman's character, you can totally understand his motivations: what moves him has been veeeeery well established. And we humans tend to like things we understand. Specially when surrounded by total chaos in a messy movie, is like grabbing a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean or like Jorge Luis Borges puts it: "any symmetry with a resemblance of order - dialectical materialism, anti-Semitism, Nazism - was sufficient to entrance the minds of men." 

Right from the get go, at the beginning of the movie in the 9/11 sequence, you understand he's thinking about stopping this child murderer being. (Omg! In this movie Superman puts children's lives in danger, kill their mums and cuts peoples legs?)

NO people! the problem is not Eisenberg. You know who the problem was: Zackarias Snyder (I'm preaching now). In the promotional interviews he reminded me of Shyamalan trying to justify his fucked ups, he knew this movie was Baaaad! He's incompetent, lazy, he has no sense of direction: Fuck your Turkish airline, you sell out! Go count your money bitch...

Nah, really. Maybe that's harsh. Being fair I think he got talent, but yeah, all his movies sucks. So, I'm just saying... just saying... that maybe he would be better making wedding videos or sthg... Come on, come on, the guy gave us an OK Watchmen... Watchmen was a piece of shit too!

"Oh.., in a second viewing this movie only gets better. This movie improves with each seeing"

No!!! goddammit, in the second viewing I hated this movie even more. In the second viewing you understand what they wanted to do, what were their intentions, but its like peeping inside the mind of a madman: yes you can understand the logic behind his urges of chopping women heads and putting them on sticks but that doesn't make it any better!

Finally, just a minor theory I have: the bats lifting little Brucie Wayne on the cave, originally that wasn't a dream. Ben Affleck's voice saying "In the dream they took me to the light, a beautiful lie" is so out of place. Why Batman speaks only there? and only says that? To whom?;

Again, my theory, the scene didn't work well with the test screenings so they added the voice later alla Blade Runner. Prove me wrong motherfuckers... I know I'm right.