Dirty Dancing from the point of view of 2018

When you look at Dirty Dancing from the point of view of 2018

Now my intention is not to shit all over a 30 years old movie. Or is it? I feel like this movie always get a pass, because... the 80's right?

It's a teenager movie, meant for tweens. On a deeper level the dirty dancing is symbolic for sex (and in fact for anal sex. That's why is dirty: Takin' the old dirt trail, Spelunking... ) 

The scene of the late night party when all the staff employees are dancing, and she tries I mean, she... but she doesn't look sexy, like the rest of them! No! She dances like a moronic child. Then Patrick Swayze approaches her just out of pity, and teaches her about dance/sex. It's a pity fuck.    

Her time at Kellerman's that summer is a loss of innocence — and I am in fact talking about the loss of her virginity.

When we first meet Baby, she's like reading Plight of the Masses or something, and she's worried about underdeveloped world, southeast Asia starving children and Buddhist monks burning themselves in protest...

But after meeting Patrick Swayze - a.k.a the 80's-  all she cares about is that hot sweat body dancing at the rhythm of the dirty mambo!!!

From the first minute she sees him she's all wet for Johnny Castle - yeah that's his name - Johnny Castle!!!

Well... that's the message I get from the movie, it's an explanation on how Women are molded to be dumb in our society. 

We don't want you to be clever, We want you to dance bitch

You know, some people think this is like a Women empowerment movie or something. There's a bullshit article about that here 

I'm all for the women empowerment thing and I agree with the journalist, I don't know how people get this is an "ugly duckling gets the guy" movie, cause she's fucking hot to me!

Granted, blondie looks better, but hey: that bitch can't act!

So, yeah Baby is not ugly. Totally fuckable!

In fact she's on my mural of the top 80s actresses I want to fuck the most:

Ugly duck gets the guy is the plot of the remake "Dirty Dancing 2017"  ... Well I don't know about ugly, ugly is too strong of a word. Beauty and ugliness, like contact lenses, are in the eyes of the beholder...

Is Little Miss Sunshine girl, Abigail Bressing or something. 

(By the way she's bad. She's fucking bad; long gone are the days of her being a child prodigy, right?...) 

But the thing that really gets you is... Well I don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole... Well I am an asshole, so:

She's Fat! 
(Oh come on! you though that too: Hungry Eeeeyes hahahaa)

I was surprise to see that in real life she looks kind of Hot! ya'know?

So, my only conclusion is that over the production of the film they made her gain quite a few pawns... they feed her with Nuggets, Doritos, mayonnaise and shit, down it all with pancakes syrup and butter...

Cause is that sort of overweight. Calculated: not disgusting Precious levels... I'd say above average Woman, slightly above chubby, but not that far off you wouldn't like her... They needed their female audience to identify with her. I call that genius.

Appealing to the Bridget Jones, My Greek Wedding audience or the Queen Latifa movie were an NBA super star bangs her?...

(Hey I'm not the one being a fat-phobic here, Hollywood is. Before writing this shit I didn't even know Fat-phobia was a thing.)

So yeah not ugly duck: Fatty Goose!!

So the entire movie becomes like a satire. You are always like: Oh my God they gonna make the lift?!!!

Anyway, back to the original, Baby becomes more and more stupid as the movie goes on. The result of sex I would assume...Yeah sex make us do fucked up things... There's a reason why Peter Abelard, the famous medieval Philosopher and Theologian, remained a chaste. 

At one point, I'm looking at her and just thinking... Why is she carrying a watermelon?!!! Ok she's taking it to the party,

It is something from the 80s? Did people ate watermelons at parties? (Did they spit the seeds on the floor too?) Why aren't they bringing like beer or cocaine, quaaludes or something. I don't get it. I don't get it. 

Ooooh I get it! the whole point is for her to say something really really stupid to Johnny the first time they met.

Her first words to him are the infamous: "I carried a watermelon"

(by the way her delivery here is just terrible)

Who though of that?!! It's so stupid that I'm even tempted to think that somebody actually gave it some though. It would work the same with beer, "I carried beers"

So yeah, she's more and more stupid. And the only reason why you would think she's smart or brave or special, is because Johnny Castle keeps saying it so... but he's human trash: Of course you gonna think being a doctor is the greatest shit ever! You are basically a male prostitute!

But she doesn't do anything special. She doesn't save the day! You just like to think she does cause she's now friends with the cool kids of the neighborhood. But Johnny's first reaction was the right one: Big deal! you got the money from daddy.

Hey Frances you didn't make the world better, the children are still starving out there, and Dhalai Lama is still exiled from LalaLand...

Who cares?! I am LOVED now! 

And there you have it, the best line in the movie, gets me every time:

- So What's wrong? 

- She's knocked up baby

Is just hilarious. 

And then baby asks: What's he gonna do about it?

And Johnny Castle gets offended!!!!! "Oh it's mine. Right away you think its mine"

Why he gets offended?!! I cannot understand that! You are the one dirtydancing Penny all over the place and the other guy is calling YOU, of course she's gonna think that is your baby you silly sonofabitch!

I mean, this is such a chick script! And that's always the problem with chick movies they make the guy assume the perspective of a chick: and then the guy is like saying chick things, like good old Johnny here. 

- For some reason I keep thinking of this guy:

But the movie is filled with these chick scenes... Some days later Penny talks to Baby and tells her, "I just want you to know that I don't sleep around... Whatever Robbie might have told you. And I though that he loved me. I though it was something special" 

(yeah, the Mustafa special)

Why you want Baby to know that? Why would she care? (I mean you know her from like what? Three days?) And isn't that something you say to the guys? 

Hey, you know, I'm not like that, I don't sleep around etc. etc. Is she hitting on her? Like I say, I don't get it...

And also, guys are pigs, they always gonna tell you that they love you, Penny!!!

Many great lines and scenes! When Penny is in pain after the abortion, Baby says to Neill Jones (Nick):

-I though you say he was a real M.D. (yeah like real M.D.s are gonna charge you $250 for an abortion. And she's clever why?

Because she reads books.)

And Nick's answer is just gold:

- The guy had a dirty knife and a folding table. I could hear her screaming in the hallway.

Like damn! This is the stuff nightmares are made of.

This movie prevented more abortions than Opus Dei's crazy people (...quite the redundant expression there)

And there's like a disgusting abortion towel!

I don't know how this got a PG-13. (Not only that, apparently it was edited like three times before it got approved... I wonder how was the assembly?) 

But then they fucked up the scene with Patrick Swayse comforting Penny and dropping his:

"It's all right...

And I'm just laughing hysterically, and feeling guilty cause my Oma, my 103 years old granny is here, watching the movie with me, and she's giving me the look now: "How can you laugh? The poor girl is about to diiie"

So now she thinks I'm some sort of a psychopath...And I could never explain her why I found that to be funny!!!

(Or why I'm masturbating while we are watching it)

And in any case. Why da fuck Lennie is in this movie?

Lennie should be cracking morbid jokes on a rape murder scene not here! Is just so out of place!

And I love Lennie, I do! But who though he'd be a great "good dad"? Nooo! Goddamit, Lenny has seen too much evil in this world of ours.

Why is he giving money to random people? Ok, Baby asked for it, and he didn't know it was for an abortion... but then he writes a check and give it to Robby for him to go to school or something; and he just met him! And he's not rich. Like, come on Lenny, you are just a doctor! You are in the resort on invitation, because you saved the owners life or something (that guy from Casino) 

And his final line. 

"I know it wasn't you the one who got Penny into trouble" 

Why are you calling her Penny? It should be "that girl" you just knew; it should be that bimbo that had an abortion with my money and then I had to save!!!

Well, at least they fixed everything with the final dance. Everyone's dancing, I guess everyone's happy?

I remind you that Johnny is still out of job (for all we know, probably end up in The House of Painters and Plasterers AND without his summer bonus) 

Penny can still have children, Which is great... I guess. But still believes every bum on the street telling her that they love her.

And what about Baby?

Well, she didn't cure cancer, I can tell you that much. 
Wait, Was that from the remake?

(by pelida77)